Alive

I am alive.

It’s been so long since I stared out the car window, caught up in a piece of music, so alive that I can see choreography dancing in my head. When I’m in such symbiosis with my life that when it offers, I offer back.

Today I listened to a song and the drum beat was so deep, I felt it reverberate in my own chest, as if the speakers were on full blast, but they weren’t. The reverberation was me feeling alive. The heartbeat in the song made my heart jump up and yell. Yes. Yes I am! I’m alive!

People often define depression and anxiety as the opposite of being happy, but they’re not; they’re the opposite of being alive. Coming out of the darkness takes God, and books, and Therapy, and determination; it takes days of feeling like hades; it takes setting boundaries; it takes courage. But when you burst out into a cloudless day and feel the way you did before the world turned on you, when you feel like once again you’re just a little girl barefoot in a world of warm grass… then you know.

I’m going to do this. I will get through this.

I am alive. I am glad to be alive. I will stay.

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