The Wisdom Teeth: Episode Two

A few weeks ago in a galaxy close to my apartment, my Mom came with me to my wisdom teeth consultation.

If you didn’t read Episode One or you need a refresher: 1) I’m terrified 2) The oral surgeon looked absurdly creepy in his website photo 3) I’m terrified

Going in, I have seldom loved my mother more. I knew she would be a mother bear and bite off necessary heads, stop anyone from being too pushy, and answer some of the questions the surgeon asked. I preferred to sit in the chair with my stomach ice cold and wait for the weird looking man to enter.

He did. He looked significantly less 80s now that he was in surgeon garb, but his mouth was as rude as the online reviews promised. At first I was irritated, but then I found him funny. He clearly is skilled, and I don’t care what kind of abysmal wise-cracks you’re making, as long as you do my teeth right. Creepy surgeon: okay.

He talked me through the procedure and I wish he hadn’t spent five minutes heartlessly blabbing about all of the little ways it can go south. But when he said the actual extraction would only take twenty minutes, I perked up. Twenty minutes, I thought? I can handle that. Even if I’m awake and in pain, I can Gryffindor through twenty measly minutes! Peace filled me and I settled back. I haven’t had a nervous twinge since. Nervousness: okay.

Molly agreed to be my responsible adult, so I will be counting on her to run in and rescue me if ninjas attack while I’m under. She’ll be a few rooms away, ready to take me home to eat applesauce and watch Tinkerbelle movies, and probably film me if I’m making loopy declarations about mankind. Aftercare: fantastic

So, I am ready. With my Mom defending me (the nurse kept insisting I’d make a typo on Jonathan Wells’ birth date, because she thought he was my father… no, no, I’m just a twenty-two-year-old married woman who needs her Mom along for moral support…) and my twin rescuing me, I will conquer. Details of whether or not I successfully go under, and what it feels like to wake up from anesthesia, and whether or not ninjas do attack, will all be covered in Episode Three.

 

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