I wanted to share something I learned yesterday:
I have someone is my life who is always criticizing me. Not intentionally. Always making comments. You know. Oh, you have a pimple. Your hair looks kind of greasy. They sound so innocent, don’t they? On a page like that? How peculiar then, their power to crush my day.
Is it the person who says them, or is it the statements themselves? All I know is that one minute I’m striding along, a woman of power and joy, the queen of her world, conquering like a slayer… And next minute I’m a nobody with greasy hair. Smack go the words. Crack goes my self perception. And the girl who was accepted, in the spotlight of her accomplishments , is suddenly on the outside, looking in. Unaccepted. Reduced to… Hair. My hair is unacceptable. I am unacceptable. I am nobody on the outside of my world, like an orphan in a Dickens novel pressing my nose and grubby little fingers on the glass, lost.
Thinking about it, then, trying to regain my sense of identity, I realized something about the person who makes these comments to me. She’s unaccepted. She lives her life as unaccepted. She perceives all people as trying to become okay, trying to become good enough. She never accepts herself. She is almost never accepted then, because she walks in that nonacceptance. Everything, even greasy hair, can be a reason to be cast out.
I, before I was crushed by a silly little should-be-inconsequential comment, was accepted. I lived my day as if I had already won. I scintillated. Now I stared at my reflection in a mirror, suddenly gone.
But I’m not unaccepted.
I must live my life as though I am accepted. I must walk into a room, sporting my unusual outfit or my frizzy hair, and be in complete acceptance of myself. In the end, no human being has ever accepted/rejected another human on their appearance. They accept based on what they sense. If I walk in acceptance, I will possess “star quality,” and I will have more doors opened to me than most people will ever experience. It is how you perceive yourself that controls how other people see you.
Walk in acceptance. Accept yourself and everyone around you. You don’t have to be “good enough”–you have to accept that nothing about you is a hindrance unless you let it be.